As a Clinical Hypnotherapist in practice I work with clients presenting all kinds of problems and conditions, such as IBS, Anxiety, Emotional issues, bereavement, confidence and self esteem, depression, insomnia and much more besides. I may also do some counselling work which weaves in nicely with any hypnotherapy sessions taken.
“Who is the most important person in your life at the moment” is a question I often ask my patients.
They stop talking, they peer at me looking for clues what to say, but all I want is an honest answer to what is after all a simple question. And given they are in my practice room, a safe, non judgemental environment where honesty is expected, the answer generally is indeed an honest one.
When they start telling me who the most important person in their life is, I raise both hands and count off the people they mention, encouraging them to name more names, husband or wife, children each one adding to the raising number of digits, aunties, uncles, brothers, sisters, friends even the cat, dog budgie sometimes, each one adding to the number of fingers I display to them as they speak.
When they get to 10, and sometimes it is much less than that if they stall answering the question, in those cases I given them more times and usually they add a few more.
I then ask another question, do you remember the question I asked you?
Yes, they reply, it was “who is the most important person in your life at the moment” often said with pride.
My next question often however brings an important point to light.
Still holding my raised hands in front of them, with all fingers and both thumbs outstretched I ask “and where are you in this list”? And of course the vast majority understand straight away, they have ignored themselves; their own needs put to one side. This is laudable, but often detrimental to them.
I say to them, “we found quite quickly (and it often only takes 1 minute) 10 people which if anything happened to you, a hole would be ripped out of their lives. This is a sobering thought.
All too often we as individuals do not notice the importance of our lives in the lives of others, so often we say no to ourselves so we can say yes to others. Even when we know we are saying yes and no in the wrong places!
This is, as I said earlier laudable, but if you think about it, it makes no sense. Of course we have to be flexible at times, we have to do things we don’t want to do, I am not advocating complete selfishness, but we have to recognise that we can say yes and no where we want it to fit, we should take time out for ourselves and say yes to ourselves, so we can feel better, contribute more in the longer term, be more relaxed and rested in mind, body and emotions.
During these difficult social and economic times, we need to look at every which way we can be at ease with ourselves, to regain our confidence and self esteem, to be more relaxed, to find ways of enhancing our relationships with others and finding ways to help us be who and what we are capable of being.
The airline industry presents us with a great example of this.
Anyone who has flown and taken some interest in the safety procedures demonstrated by the cabin crew pre take off, will no doubt have noticed that adults are instructed in the case of any emergency where oxygen masks drop down in front of passengers, it is important that adults put on their oxygen masks before aiding their children with theirs. It makes perfect sense, you as the responsible adult can help your child much more effectively if you are not gasping for every breath; oxygen starved trying to help your child before you pass out, in which case your child will not stand much of a chance without you.
This much more dramatic example portrays the importance of looking after ourselves. In my office I come across people who are doing a slow motion version of not putting their masks on. They are struggling to help others while they are slowly driving themselves to despair, distraction and destruction.
And so it is we take responsibility for what we choose to do, and what we choose not to do.
“Who is the most important person in your life at the moment” is a question I often ask my patients.
They stop talking, they peer at me looking for clues what to say, but all I want is an honest answer to what is after all a simple question. And given they are in my practice room, a safe, non judgemental environment where honesty is expected, the answer generally is indeed an honest one.
When they start telling me who the most important person in their life is, I raise both hands and count off the people they mention, encouraging them to name more names, husband or wife, children each one adding to the raising number of digits, aunties, uncles, brothers, sisters, friends even the cat, dog budgie sometimes, each one adding to the number of fingers I display to them as they speak.
When they get to 10, and sometimes it is much less than that if they stall answering the question, in those cases I given them more times and usually they add a few more.
I then ask another question, do you remember the question I asked you?
Yes, they reply, it was “who is the most important person in your life at the moment” often said with pride.
My next question often however brings an important point to light.
Still holding my raised hands in front of them, with all fingers and both thumbs outstretched I ask “and where are you in this list”? And of course the vast majority understand straight away, they have ignored themselves; their own needs put to one side. This is laudable, but often detrimental to them.
I say to them, “we found quite quickly (and it often only takes 1 minute) 10 people which if anything happened to you, a hole would be ripped out of their lives. This is a sobering thought.
All too often we as individuals do not notice the importance of our lives in the lives of others, so often we say no to ourselves so we can say yes to others. Even when we know we are saying yes and no in the wrong places!
This is, as I said earlier laudable, but if you think about it, it makes no sense. Of course we have to be flexible at times, we have to do things we don’t want to do, I am not advocating complete selfishness, but we have to recognise that we can say yes and no where we want it to fit, we should take time out for ourselves and say yes to ourselves, so we can feel better, contribute more in the longer term, be more relaxed and rested in mind, body and emotions.
During these difficult social and economic times, we need to look at every which way we can be at ease with ourselves, to regain our confidence and self esteem, to be more relaxed, to find ways of enhancing our relationships with others and finding ways to help us be who and what we are capable of being.
The airline industry presents us with a great example of this.
Anyone who has flown and taken some interest in the safety procedures demonstrated by the cabin crew pre take off, will no doubt have noticed that adults are instructed in the case of any emergency where oxygen masks drop down in front of passengers, it is important that adults put on their oxygen masks before aiding their children with theirs. It makes perfect sense, you as the responsible adult can help your child much more effectively if you are not gasping for every breath; oxygen starved trying to help your child before you pass out, in which case your child will not stand much of a chance without you.
This much more dramatic example portrays the importance of looking after ourselves. In my office I come across people who are doing a slow motion version of not putting their masks on. They are struggling to help others while they are slowly driving themselves to despair, distraction and destruction.
And so it is we take responsibility for what we choose to do, and what we choose not to do.
I hope, those readers who have got this far, will consider looking after themselves, for simply it is not selfishness, it is self preservation.
I wish you well,
I wish you well,
Michael
